Look, the first nine months of the year after 2022 are just about over and while we haven't been posting (I have a real job now) we have been eating lots of burgers and critiquing their quality--or rather, I, Connor, have been critiquing their quality while Josh monologues about historical atrocities in the background. But even in his deliberately obtuse wisdom, he could not deny the greatness of a few burgers we had in Utah this year. And if there's one thing that's more important than anything else in the world, including the education of our youth, it's the education of our burger eaters. These are the best burgers, fries, and shakes that the SLBB staff enjoyed in 2022.
Best Burger: Burgers & Bourbon (Montage Resort, Park City)
I know Park City is not in Salt Lake. But if you're not driving up there to sneak into a hot tub at a resort with friends and eat some good food every once in a while, are you really even from Utah? Besides, this burger is worth the hour-long drive. We don't discriminate burgers by class on this website. Anything goes, and while the B&B burger has the advantage of being a gourmet, upscale selection, we're not going to dock it for its higher price (around $25). Best value burger? No chance. But Josh and I agreed that it was the most delicious burger we ate this year. With fresh ingredients and a plump, juicy patty cooked to perfection, the B&B sandwich took us to hamburger heaven and didn't let us leave until we were stuffed. Since our first visit, it's become a fixture for special occasion meals. Do yourself a favor and try the Tatanka Blue Bison Burger next time you're in Park City. Or don't, and continue in your sad, burgerless life without ever tasting the Juice™. We have plenty of more accessible honorees for all the normies out there.
Runners Up: Burgers
Rich's Burgers-N-Grub was our unanimous #2 selection. With a creatively diverse selection of burgers, all loaded with tasty toppings and delivered sizzling and fresh, Rich's feels like home sweet home for any burger lover. These burgers come in at around 11 or 12 bucks, and they'll be cooked and served up to you by some real friendly folks at a comfortably divey location in the heart of downtown. The vibes are good, and yes, at Rich's you will find plenty of Juice™.
Burly Burger in South Weber was talked up by all my Davis County peeps and it sure did deliver. The whole staff made the drive and dined on some hearty, beefy burgs. While we didn't try the Brigham (a 10-patty monster that's free if you can finish it) we appreciated the character of an establishment that would provide such a hedonistic and dangerous offer. Anywhere that sells a 10-patty burger is probably going to have good singles. Burly Burger was no exception.
Dog Haus. Congratulations to the only chain burger to be recognized, one of Josh's favorites from the year and a sandwich uniquely served on a four-square of rolls. (Single-roll sliders are also available, but if I were a coward I would be in Canada dodging the draft, not stuffing my body full of ground beef for you beautiful losers. Let's move on.) The company emphasizes their specialty hot dogs, but if you're into those, I can refer you to Josh and Connor's Salt Lake Hot Dog Blog (it does not exist). Hearty, greasy goodness made Dog Haus a winner in a very crowded field. Who's a good boy??
Best Fries: Ballard's Iceberg (Draper) and Burly Burger (South Weber)
Burly Burger. Remember these guys? From a couple paragraphs up? Well guess what, they make good fries too. Thick, hearty, beer-battered fries. With a fluffy mashed potato center and several seasoning options (all good), they make quite the burly companion to such a burly burger. They don't skimp on portions either, and they taste as real and fresh as any we had all year.
Ballard's Iceberg. I know they don't look like much. But trust me, trust me, these fries are surgical with that delicate balance of soft potato, crisp oil coating, and salty goodness. I am not a photographer. I am, as Vincent Van Gogh once illustrated, a Potato Eater. And these fries are potato in its final form. Authentic flavor from start to finish. Don't get Ballard's Iceberg mixed up with the local franchise Iceberg Drive Inn. This is a one-location mom and pop drive-in in Draper on 12300 S, and it is now my home base for fries.
Runners Up: Fries
Josh and I really couldn't come to a consensus on a lot of fry options, so our top picks for the year are numerous. I've always loved the fries at East Liberty Tap House in Salt Lake, and our visit this year did not disappoint. Josh was fond of the crispy shoestring fries at the Freddy's Frozen Custard and Steakburgers chain, and I still love the cajun fries at Five Guys. We were both impressed by the thick, crispy offerings at Rich's Burgers-N-Grub as well, and any place that can offer a top burger and fry is a winner.
Best Shake: Burgers & Bourbon (Park City) and Ballard's Iceberg (Draper)
The Burgers & Bourbon shake comes with a huge disclaimer: their menu changes often, and the Greek God of Shakes, the B&B s'mores, was, at least for a time, not on the menu. B&B got a new head chef and they changed things up, and while the burgers fortunately remained top tier, a few killer items were removed from the menu, including this dessert. What ruled about the B&B s'mores shake was that it wasn't a lazy recipe--too many s'mores shakes are just chocolate base with a couple marshmallows on top and maybe a complimentary graham cracker. But the B&B shakes actually tasted like s'more all the way through--that immaculate blend of chocolate, marshmallow, and honey graham. Apparently it's available again, and while we haven't been back to try it, we can only pray that it's as good as it once was. Fortunately for the Montage (and us), all their other shake options are pretty darn tasty as well.
Full disclosure: I hail from the Pacific Northwest, and while I love Utah and its food (I've now lived here longer than I did there) Josh is the one who was raised on the "Utah-style" shake--you know what I'm talking about. That thick, blended treat that must be consumed with a spoon. Josh often complains when he is given only a straw, and he believes that a milkshake should lean more solid than liquid, with a consistency like soft-serve ice cream. He always orders vanilla.
That means that he loved the shakes at Ballard's Iceberg. (Hey, they're the ones with the awesome fries!) And as co-editor of this blog, I won't give out any awards I don't at least kind of agree with. When it comes to this style of shake, Ballard's Iceberg was the best we had all year (and we had a lot). Creamy, smooth, flavorful but not harshly sweet, these shakes justify the history and reputation of the drive-in where they're made.
Runners Up: Shakes
Cubby's made us a fantastic drinkable shake in some creative (but not outrageous) flavors that really gave us that homemade feel. I was a big fan of the huckleberry chocolate, and while I don't remember what Josh got, it's probably a safe bet that it was vanilla. They seemed truly homestyle; a great blend of milk, ice cream, and mix-ins.
CHOM shakes go hard. Their seasonal offerings are always great, and their pumpkin pie one in the fall was a true winner. Yeah, I like pumpkin spice. What are you going to do about it? Are you going to call me basic? Ask when my next selfie while holding shopping bags and duckfacing will be? Are you going to take away my children? Well guess what--I don't care. Pumpkin spice is delicious, and CHOM did it better than anyone. Why? Because it actually tasted like pumpkin, not orange-colored cinnamon sugar, and it had spicy chunks of real pie blended in. Get wrecked, Starbucks.
Finally, Josh wants to mention Apollo Burger, another take on the classic Utah style. They just do it well. A "working man's shake" to go with a "working man's burger." They're generous with the mix-ins, too, famously convincing blog staff member Nolan that the cookies and cream version had "probably fourteen or fifteen Oreos in there." Good guess, Nolan (Vegas had the over/under at four and a half).
Foreign Feature of the Year
Because I am a bachelor, I can afford to travel the world, looking at old buildings, eating exotic cuisine, and being mocked by the locals. And in the chance that a prestigious burger is available at my destination, I get to review something outside the usual confines of our beautiful and polluted little valley.
The whole staff took a trip to Las Vegas early in the year on a quest for Josh's White Whale: the Wolfgang Puck Burger at the MGM Grand. It does not exist. Instead, we went to not one but two local favorite spots: Slater's 50/50 and Black Tap at the Venetian. Both were excellent eats with absurdly ostentatious shake offerings. But I want to talk about a different place.
Good Stuff Eatery in Washington D.C. is famously a favorite spot of Barack Obama, a Hawaiian lawyer and professor who was in the news a few years back. It is also my favorite spot in D.C. because this down-to-earth burger place makes some really good food. Seriously, the burger had a ton of flavor and I got a toasted marshmallow shake there that I still think about in idle moments. I might go back just to have it again, and to see the Sargents at the National Gallery. How could he create so much likeness with so few strokes??
Worst of the Year
The Salt Lake Burger Blog giveth, and the Salt Lake Burger Blog taketh away. It's not always sunshine and rainbows around here--occasionally we try a burger that brings only suffering and woe. I would be remiss to not mention the atrocious experience we had at Burger King this year, which not only tasted awful but caused me to be late for an Opeth concert (don't worry, I still saw them play Deliverance). That said, the true Crown Prince of Suck is unmistakably IHOP. That's right, the very same company that only recently rebranded as the International House of Burgers gave us the worst burger/fries/shake of the year. It's no wonder they switched back to pancakes. Not only was the food not good, it was aggressively bad. Shall we return? Nay, we shan't. That review hasn't been published yet, but look for it soon if you're interested in hearing Josh tear down a beloved chain of everyman diners.
Summary
It was a great year of burgers for us here at the blog, and while the publishing was slower than we hoped, we're excited to keep giving you, the four readers of this website, continued updates on the burger landscape. Because no matter how terrible the economy is, ground chuck on bread will always be good. Congrats to our winners; we hope our good reviews of your cuisine bring many more visitors to your restaurants, and that the increase in business does not result in a decrease in quality like it did for Smashburger and Lucky 13. We're looking forward to a delicious 2023, filled with burgers, fries, shakes, and improved SEO.
I'd like to thank my co-editor Josh, who always finds great places to eat and offers colorful insight both on the meals we share and how those meals affect Lebron's legacy. Without him this blog would be possible, but it would also be boring.
I would also like to thank our blog staff, Marcus, Aspen, James, Emily, and Chris, who often have enlightening opinions on our burgers that are almost entirely cut from the reviews. They are, however, a joy to go out to eat with.
Here's to another year of dead cows and wheat as we continue in our never-ending quest to acquire more of the Juice™.
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